The Truest Thing I Ever Said
This is my usual routine, I get up, look at social media, look at the news, play some brain games on my phone to get my head rolling and then get some work done. Sometimes I see something funny, sometimes I read something sad and sometimes I see something inspiring. This time, I saw something that reminded me of a time that I don’t like going back to. We all have one of those moments that we would rather forget forever, but it has affected us so much that we never really forget.
The video I saw was a (mostly staged) video showing that everyone has limits. You read the title of the video and you just think, “Well duh…”. If you take the time to watch it like I did, it’ll evoke an emotional reaction that makes you put yourself in that situation. It worked a little more than I’d like. Prepare yourself, this is something I have never revealed to a lot of people. I don’t really like to talk about my past or what I’ve been through because that’s private, but this story may help someone and if it can do some good, then this will be worth it.
A long time ago, over 10 years ago at this point, I was an In-stock Manager at Walmart. I unloaded trucks, stocked the shelves and did anything else that needed to be done. When I first started at Walmart I was still in a relationship and a few months working there, the relationship ended. Since I was a free man for the first time in 6 years at that point, I basically went crazy. Not like losing my mind or anything, but the opposite. Kind of like when a chihuahua is in a dog cage and he’s been barking all day to be let out and when you finally do he runs all over the place in excitement and doesn’t really know what to do with himself. That kind of crazy. Trust me, I have a point to this, I just need to give you a background story to the situation I was in.
I started dating here and there and I wasn’t used to the drama that came with it. I made some bad choices and I was leading myself down a path that I still regret to this day. I was also a hard ass. I was the type of boss that didn’t really play the politics that usually comes with the position. They tried to groom me to be a certain way after I worked my way up the ladder and I wouldn’t conform to their methods. I still unloaded trucks and helped my team when I was supposed to be “walking the floor and making sure everyone is working”. Some of the managers didn’t like that so they eventually started using everything they could against me to get me fired. They had a ton of issues to choose from because I was dating people I worked with and, obviously as a manager, I wasn’t supposed to. Other managers started talking to me to warn me about what was about to happen, trying to give advice, telling me that I needed to change my ways, but I didn’t listen.
One day, I woke up and I didn’t feel right. My heart was racing, and I felt sick to my stomach. I was still living with my mom, so I told her what I was feeling, and she took me straight to the doctor’s office. I didn’t realize what was going on, I just knew that my chest was hurting. When we got to the doctor’s office, they were waiting for me and immediately took me back to one of the rooms and started wiring me to the EKG machine they had. My brain couldn’t really register the moment because I wasn’t really thinking straight, all I could think was, “I need to get to work”. Eventually, the Dr. told me that I was OK, but my body was reacting to the stress that I had been putting on myself. The Dr. gave me a note and told me to slow down and rest for today. Of course, I didn’t listen at that moment, but eventually I did.
I’ll never forget the day that it hit me, the day I realized that this wasn’t worth it. I was having a problem with the job, being blamed for stuff I wasn’t doing, like spreading rumors about someone who was married and cheating on their wife who works there also and bullying my team members and just doing everything wrong. I couldn’t talk to anyone except my co manager about it and he couldn’t really help me because if he did he would start being treated that way too. I had a ton of stuff on my mind and then the girl I was dating walks in. Suddenly, my heart is beating so hard, my chest is visibly moving. I didn’t have a heart attack or anything, I was fine actually, but my anxiety took over. She walked over to me and asked me what was wrong, and I told her to feel how fast my heart was racing. She told me to calm down and just went back to work. I did, because I didn’t want it to get worse. That was the moment I realized that everything I was doing and everything I was involved in wasn’t worth it.
Eventually, they brought me into the office and tried to talk to me about something. Maybe they were trying to write me up, I couldn’t tell you at this point, I just remember being in the office and saying, “That’s it, I’ve had enough” and I threw my walkie-talkie on the desk and walked out. I had enough, I had reached my limit. I realized that nothing was worth that kind of stress and I vowed right there in the parking lot that I would never put myself through that again.
Whether that video I watched was staged or not, I think it was, it has a valid point. Everyone reaches their breaking point. Sometimes it costs us more than it should, but we eventually say, “Enough is Enough”. I hope my story helps you in some way. Whether it’s a relationship, a job or life in general that is getting to you, try to take a step back and take a break. Sometimes even taking a break for an hour helps give you some perspective. It took me 8 months to realize that. 8 months of puttying myself through torture and health risks before I realized that it wasn’t worth it. Don’t let it take you that long. There’s more to life than what’s in front of you.